to message, or not to message?

Myspinningarrow,

Great to hear from you again!

I think you played this perfectly. This is a very delicate situation IMO.

The chance that you wrote your number down wrong is quite remote, but not impossible. Sir Guy did address the situation where men who seem very eager and ask for a phone number don't follow up with a phone call. I can't remember the exact reasons he gave, but it DOES happen. If I run across his instructions on this topic I will post them in a sticky at the top of the dating forum called "Why hasn't he called me?"

Here are your options as I see it, in order of preference according to WWNH:

1. Do nothing for now except wait. This is the conservative option, and probably what Sir Guy would advise. Presume you gave him the right phone number.

2. Give him a gentle nudge. If you haven't heard from him after New Year's, send him a "friend" invite on Facebook. I WOULD NOT say anything about the phone number, because you would be drawing attention to the fact that you hadn't heard from him, and given that statistically speaking you probably DID give him the right phone number, this is not something you want to do (as they say in baseball, "play the percentages.").

I would keep it very brief - "I am the girl you met at Matt's birthday party who was wearing the red dress - it was so much fun talking to you. I hope you had a fun Christmas. Wishing you the very best in 2019!" Then do absolutely nothing more. If he doesn't respond favourably you have to drop it at that point. If he says to you, "I tried to call you but you didn't pick up the phone" then you say, "I thought I might have given you the wrong number. AAAAAACK - sorry about that! How are you keeping?" etc. I would friend "Matt" too. And if there were any other people you met at the party who you clicked with, you could "friend" them too so this move blends in more.

3. Tell your friend about the phone number and ask her to enlist her brother to inquire casually along the lines of "FYI Myspinningarrow, a girl you met at my birthday, was asking my sister about you" or something along those lines. You would need to trust your friend and her brother 100% to go along with this and be discreet about it. Unless you really trust both of them I wouldn't go down this route.


Options 2 and 3 are both a little bold, awkward, and risky - but I don't see any less awkward way of doing it. Maybe others can give input. Keep us updated.

Hello Miss Cinnamon (and everyone else!),

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Thought you might like an update

So it turns out I was right...I had given him the wrong number (score one for feminine intuition!).

I followed your advice, waited until the new year, then added him on facebook.
He accepted the friend request and messaged me wishing me a happy new year and telling me he had tried to text me the day after we met but never got a response.

We have been messaging since, and though he has been sending long messages regularly, he doesn't seem to be getting any closer to asking me out.

I'm starting to think maybe I made it too easy, respond too quickly or am disclosing too much about myself in my friendliness (I know, full disclosure is bad!).

And quite frankly, though he seems like a nice guy and we have a lot in common, I'm starting to lose interest in him because of all this long-winded messaging.
I would meet him for a date if he asked me, but I don't want to continue like this.

I think I will take a step back and not respond to his latest message for a day or two, see if it stirs him into action.

I have also been talking to a couple of other guys through online dating recently, so there are other options if nothing happens with this one!

All the best,

Myspinningarrow x

Hi Miss Cinnamon,

Unfortunately I had to put him back in the parade.

Ignoring him for a weekend worked, as when I finally replied he did ask me out.
And then proceeded to not bother to organise something on account of being "too busy".

So I gave him another chance for a lunch date a few days later instead...He didn't plan anything for that one either and didn't even message me at all until 11:15 that day. I told him I couldn't make it anymore (didn't want to meet him anymore after his disorganisation and lack of effort) and we haven't spoken since.

It's a shame, as he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, but the way I see it, no one is so busy they can't decide a time and a place for a simple lunch date! So the lack of effort was a red flag and I won't bother talking to him again unless he makes the effort.

I seem to be hitting a dry patch with men at the moment...at the end of December there seemed to be multiple men I was speaking to, but they seem to have all disappeared.

It's hard to find single, decent men to date, let alone enough of them to date multiple ones at the same time!
I will be reviewing the thread from before about approachability in a large city, hopefully that will help.

But thank you, I hope 2019 will be the year of love and Mr Good Enough for me. I've been single for quite a few years (my own fault, as I think I mentioned on a previous post), but I feel like this is my year