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Post by sparkles on Nov 29, 2018 1:40:56 GMT
Hi All,
Even though Thanksgiving is almost a week behind us, I still want to express my gratitude. I am eternally grateful for Sir Guy's work, and all he has done to help women. I am also thankful for this forum, and Cinnamon's wonderful advice.
A Million Thanks, Sparkles
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Post by Cinnamon on Nov 30, 2018 11:49:12 GMT
Thank you for your kind words, Sparkles. Sir Guy's theme of gratitutude is so important to keep in mind every single day of the year!
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Post by sparkles on Dec 5, 2018 2:06:05 GMT
Cinnamon you do give wonderful advice! I was wondering if you ever thought about making your own posts on this forum? From what I can tell from reading the blog, you were an A+ student. There are many topics that I certainly need help on. For instance, exes.
I didn't find anything on the blog about that. How to get back on track with an ex? I broke up with him, and gave him some space so that he could think things out. However, things became strange when we started running into each other. The first time he ran into me, he was smiling and asked me, "What are you up to?" I acted as if I didn't hear him, and walked away. He got into his car, and drove around the neighborhood looking for me (I was at least 2 blocks away at that point). When he found me, he beckoned me to come join him. I did not. He drove away.
The second time he spotted me in the neighborhood was early in the morning; he ran up to me, jumping up and down and asked me what I was up to. I did not respond. He told me he was going to the gym, and jogged away. I texted him something funny after that but he did not respond.
I find his behavior confusing, and surprising. Confusing because he seemed so eager to speak to me in person, but could not bother to text me? I am surprised because when I knew him, he was not a morning person, nor did he go to the gym. And now, suddenly, he is rising early, and getting in some workouts.
Can you explain to me what is going on? Also, what is a proper way to get back together; ie, what steps are necessary?
Thanks, Sparkles
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Post by Cinnamon on Dec 5, 2018 12:56:41 GMT
Hi Sparkles,
Thank you for your kind words. At the moment we don't have a regular readership here, so I am not inclined to post new material in addition to Sir Guy's substantial ouvre, although the blog is open for questions.
With regard to the encounters you describe - ignoring him is not WWNH. Sir Guy emphasises good manners (soft-heartedness) along with common-sense boundaries (hard-headedness) at every stage in dating, including when dealing with an ex. This was your fundamental error from which everything that followed flowed. Poor manners and mixed signals are not classically feminine - instead, they are feminist mistakes.
I would strongly suggest going back and reviewing as many as possible of Sir Guy's series on dating, starting with Bootcamp for Girls. You will see that good manners are an important part of acting in accordance with the female nature. Once you have mastered this key concept, I would look for articles dealing with recovery, and also review his articles on Feminism.. I hope this helps!
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Post by sparkles on Dec 7, 2018 14:29:04 GMT
Thank you Cinnamon! I am re-reading those posts and taking notes.
What I was trying to say was that in meeting a past guy who re-surfaced, I treated it as a new encounter; he would have to start all over, and I tried to treat him as one would treat all men i.e., Don't be so eager to speak him, You are the buyer, etc. My goal was to come across as Vague/Unavailable, as that was a technique that women used in the past. However, I'm not sure I played my cards in the right order, which is why I asked you the questions.
Sir Guy would say, If you're not winning, play the game differently. The way I see this situation is that I'm new to the game (inexperienced), which is why I played the wrong cards, and lost, or I played the cards in the wrong order. You seem like an experienced player....which is why I was hoping you could help me understand the game better. I take your advice, and read the posts. Nevertheless, I still welcome, and appreciate a female perspective, especially one who is a winner in her own right.
Sincerely, Sparkles
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Post by Cinnamon on Dec 7, 2018 22:49:40 GMT
Hi Sparkles, You are correct in the objective you should be trying to achieve: treated it as a new encounter; he would have to start all over, and I tried to treat him as one would treat all men i.e., Don't be so eager to speak him, You are the buyer, etc.
Your mistake is the technique you used to achieve the above objective, namely: The first time he ran into me, he was smiling and asked me, "What are you up to?" I acted as if I didn't hear him, and walked away.To ignore someone who is being friendly to you is ill-mannered. Sir Guy would never approve of poor manners. If you see this man again, try to be polite, but not overly friendly. Sir Guy's blog has lots of examples of how to do this. Apologies for being so blunt, but sometimes the direct approach is best. Don't worry though - we have all made serious mistakes in trying to learn this material.
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Post by sparkles on Dec 8, 2018 22:14:03 GMT
Oh, I see. Thank you. Is there any way to recover?
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Post by Cinnamon on Dec 10, 2018 1:09:30 GMT
Pinned at the top of the S.O.S Marriage board is a thread called "Recovery Crib Sheet." The principles in it are not exclusive to marriage and can be used for dating also.
I would then go to the CONTENT section at WWNH and read all the articles with the word "Recovery" in the title.
You will have more ideas than you know what to do with if you follow the above instructions. Good luck!
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Post by sparkles on Dec 12, 2018 1:02:40 GMT
Thank you, Cinnamon. I started on my homework 1. Now that I think about the event, I think he came to speak to me so that in his mind he could feel as if HE dumped ME. One thing that I left out was that he kind of hinted that he didn't want me back, by telling me that I would be better off elsewhere with someone else. I didn't know if he was bluffing, but after I sent him a text (it was just a picture), he did not respond. I think it is because he blocked me. :/ Thoughts? I was planning on writing him a good-bye letter. 2. How should one respond when one is in a group with males and females, and a male tries to tease a female by saying something lewd and bawdy? I was thinking of saying, "That's not modest!!" And leaving. He caught me by surprise, and I bursted out laughing, in a mixture of embarrassment, and discomfort. My way of dealing with discomfort is to just laugh. I hope I don't send the wrong message. 3. Is it okay if I e-mail you with a few more questions? Bless you and yours, Sparkles
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Post by Cinnamon on Dec 12, 2018 13:23:32 GMT
Please see replies:
1. Sir Guy teaches that the female should not "chase" the male. The rule is that the male is the Seller, and the female the Buyer. All your actions should conform to this model.
I don't believe it is beneficial for you, as the Buyer, to take any further action toward him. By writing him a "good-bye" letter you are placing yourself in the role of the Seller.
2. I think you handled this very well. Sir Guy's rule is to be hard-headed but soft-hearted. In your example, you were hard-headed by rebuking them and not tolerating the lewdness, and you were soft-hearted by keeping the phrasing of your criticism light-hearted instead of extremely angry.
Teasing by males that doesn't descend into lewdness should be encouraged. If you search the CONTENT section of WWNH, Sir Guy has some articles with the words "flirt" and/or "tease" in the title. It would be helpful for you to review them.
3. Sure, you can send me a DM directly through this website if you click on my profile.
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Post by sparkles on Dec 12, 2018 15:28:07 GMT
You're the best! 1. I wanted to write the letter, to re-establish the correct "frame". I now realize that the relationship was going well until I accidentally put myself in the role of seller, and I ruined it. 2. I'm not sure if I communicated the situation correctly. I was THINKING of saying that, but I bursted out laughing instead out of embarrassment. I want to discourage these jokes, but I was a bit confused, as his actions differed: he brought me something to eat from the buffet table, and when my female friend muttered something to him, he went back in line to bring me "something better." 3. I read Sir Guy's article on Arrogance and teasing, but I still require a little more clarity: Is arrogance naturally a male trait, or is it just a tactic that men use when they seek sex? Is arrogance to a man what modesty is to a woman? Thank you!
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Post by Cinnamon on Dec 12, 2018 15:58:33 GMT
1. If you keep studying the articles in the CONTENT section of WWNH, you won't make that mistake again in a relationship.
2. You explained it perfectly but I didn't read it carefully enough - apologies for that. The next time this kind of uncomfortable situation arises, I hope you will be more confident in using the hard-headed/soft-hearted tactic that you described but failed to use in that particular instance. Your instincts were correct!
3. Dominance is the primary male trait. I would say that arrogance is an unhealthy expression of dominance, but that sometimes the line between the arrogance and dominance is hard to distinguish. I think it's accurate to say that dominance is to a man what modesty is to a woman.
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Post by sparkles on Dec 13, 2018 22:32:44 GMT
Wonderful! Thank you That is an interesting take on arrogance. I didn't think of it like that.
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