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Post by anonymouswife on May 8, 2018 20:26:10 GMT
Hi everyone! I noticed there was something going on with my husband and asked Sir Guy for advice. This was his last comment to me and I think it was also his last comment on the blog. I posted my question and he told me to ask it again in a week...because he was off to the ER. Devastatingly, he never returned. My situation has become very confusing and if there any kindhearted ladies who have any advice I would be happy to hear it. I am trying to handle things the right way and utilize Sir Guy's unparalleled wisdom to its utmost. My husband may or may not have cheated on me. He had strange behavior which I'd rather not get into in detail but made me question whether he was loyal to me and made me seriously think he either had cheated or was planning on doing so. I have no definite proof and he denies it so strongly, I almost believe him but I don't really. Because I have no definite proof, I don't know what approach of Sir Guy's to take. I don't know if I should handle him as a cheater and sleep in a separate bedroom (Sir Guy has a whole series on how to handle a cheater husband starting at post #1784) or if I should treat him as a husband who has wronged me and use the approach described here wwnh.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/12572/? I fear that he was intending to cheat (perhaps I caught him before it happened) and that if he did or will I won't know for sure so I don't know how to proceed in my treatment of him. In terms of myself, I don't have too much guilt in the sense that I don't think I drove him to it and if I did it was because of behaviors in the far past. In the past, I had unfavorable characteristics but since discovering Sir Guy's blog over a year ago, I quit complaining and nagging. I am proud of the wife I turned into because of Sir Guy. In terms of my looks, this was never an issue for me and I was able to maintain my figure and upkeep my appearance even after having kids. |
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Post by Cinnamon on May 8, 2018 20:52:09 GMT
Recovery is the TOUGHEST concept in WWNH.
I had to go back and review several articles on recovery last year for a friend whose husband had cheated. What I did was read every article in the CONTENTS section that had the word "recovery" or "cheater" in them, and then I made a list of rules for her (in effect a cheat sheet - no pun intended). I posted them for Cocoa, but I don't know which article this is on...ugh...there is so much WWNH material! It's all there, but how to find it!
I will be offline until Thursday, but I will try to find it then. In the meantime I would recommend reading all the articles I mentioned above.
One WWNH rule to keep in mind is, if you aren't sure what to do (or say to him), do nothing. You can never go wrong with silence, but your mouth can get you into big trouble. So for the moment I would do nothing, just study the material, and then we can help you on this thread.
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Post by Cinnamon on May 10, 2018 11:39:27 GMT
AW - the very first S.O.S. question in this forum is a very tough one!
Here is my take:
1. I am sure Sir Guy has addressed the very tricky subject of "I suspect my husband is cheating but don't have any proof" but I have no idea where in the heck he did. So we will have to analyse your dilemma using general WWNH principles.
2. It sounds like you ALREADY confronted him verbally about the incident:
I have no definite proof and he denies it so strongly, I almost believe him but I don't really.
If yes, this was probably not the best idea (don't worry - we have all done it!) according to WWNH, so you need to go into RECOVERY. This means that going forward DON'T BRING IT UP again, at least not directly. Don't complain, don't explain!
3. The article you cited, 2022, is a classic, and one of the key RECOVERY articles. Use it as your guideline.
4. With regard to the bedroom, it's tricky. It depends on what exactly occurred to raise your suspicions. Since you don't want to give details here (no problem), my take would be - you have NO PROOF of an affair, so you CANNOT treat him as a cheater. If the incident where he wronged you is egregious in itself, any action you take regarding bedroom must be justified based on that incident per se. There are very few incidents that I would class as falling into that category. Porn use? No - not unless it is the most vile of porn. Good men do fall into porn use/addiction for various reasons. NB: Like Sir Guy, I am VERY anti-porn, and not justifying it in any way - just arguing that "porn use" is not black and white.
I will continue to look for the "Recovery Cheat Sheet" list and post it when I find it.
If you want to talk more about your situation offline send me a DM or an email and we can discuss in more detail.
I'm hoping more of the WWNH readership will join this forum soon, and that they can weigh in also. The more the merrier when it comes to analysing these dilemmas.
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Post by Cinnamon on May 10, 2018 12:06:06 GMT
AW - I have created a sticky at the top of this board called "Recovery Crib Sheet."
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Post by WaitingForOdysseus on May 12, 2018 11:49:03 GMT
AnonymousWife, in addition to the posts in the Contents page of WWNH that Cinnamon advises you look at, I would suggest that you also search for "infidelity" and "promiscuous". Perhaps he didn't cheat on you physically in which case he would be truthful as far as his point (or the male nature's according to Sir Guy) of view on cheating is concerned. However, he might have cheated on you emotionally which is what might have prompted your suspicions in regards to your observation of the change in his behaviour.
Hi everyone! I noticed there was something going on with my husband and asked Sir Guy for advice. This was his last comment to me and I think it was also his last comment on the blog. I posted my question and he told me to ask it again in a week...because he was off to the ER. Devastatingly, he never returned. My situation has become very confusing and if there any kindhearted ladies who have any advice I would be happy to hear it. I am trying to handle things the right way and utilize Sir Guy's unparalleled wisdom to its utmost. My husband may or may not have cheated on me. He had strange behavior which I'd rather not get into in detail but made me question whether he was loyal to me and made me seriously think he either had cheated or was planning on doing so. I have no definite proof and he denies it so strongly, I almost believe him but I don't really. Because I have no definite proof, I don't know what approach of Sir Guy's to take. I don't know if I should handle him as a cheater and sleep in a separate bedroom (Sir Guy has a whole series on how to handle a cheater husband starting at post #1784) or if I should treat him as a husband who has wronged me and use the approach described here wwnh.wordpress.com/2014/07/29/12572/? I fear that he was intending to cheat (perhaps I caught him before it happened) and that if he did or will I won't know for sure so I don't know how to proceed in my treatment of him. In terms of myself, I don't have too much guilt in the sense that I don't think I drove him to it and if I did it was because of behaviors in the far past. In the past, I had unfavorable characteristics but since discovering Sir Guy's blog over a year ago, I quit complaining and nagging. I am proud of the wife I turned into because of Sir Guy. In terms of my looks, this was never an issue for me and I was able to maintain my figure and upkeep my appearance even after having kids. |
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Post by marywumths on May 17, 2018 1:21:45 GMT
If you plan on staying with your husband the best course of action is to pray for strength to renew your faith in God and marriage,
You won’t ever find out the truth unless you make yourself crazy constantly suspecting all the time.
Starting today, erase all suspicions of his infidelity and concentrate on being a loving trusting wife.
You receive what you believe so if you believe your husband is a cheater you will be consumed with finding evidence, however if you believe your husband is faithful and trustworthy you won’t doubt his words.
Concentrate on your own life and interests so you don’t focus on him all the time. It might be a good time to become more dependent upon God who is the only one perfect enough to never disappoint you.
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Post by anonymouswife on May 17, 2018 8:19:10 GMT
Thank you! I agree completely. I have been trying to become more dependent on G-d.
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Post by cartieb on Jun 4, 2018 5:43:06 GMT
I am not married but I can't help myself from providing advice. Since you don't have proof he is cheating, I would suggest leaving it alone. Forgive, forget, and move on to becoming more and more like the woman he married. Considering reading The Rules for Marriage and Fascinating Womanhood!
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Post by anonymouswife on Jun 4, 2018 10:41:26 GMT
Thanks!
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