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Post by sparkles on Aug 29, 2018 17:39:25 GMT
Greetings Ladies!
I was wondering if anyone can provide advice on how to manage with other women at my work? What is a feminine way to do so? These women (and girls) are catty, gossiping, two-faced, and back-biting. I've tried being EXTRA nice to them; smiling, listening to them talk about their personal lives, getting them coffee, even going out of my way to do personal favors (like babysitting) for one of them, but being nice doesn't cut it.... I'm not a confrontational person, and so, I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells when I'm around them! I can't even understand why one woman tried to copy me - she cut and styled her hair they way I did, and asked me where I buy my clothes and make-up so that she could do the same. Another girl pretends to be nice to me (we had to work together on a project), but immediately threw me under the bus when a higher-up asked her if I should get promoted!
What is a proper way to handle this situation- a way that is in line with the feminine spirit that Sir Guy teaches us about?
Any, and all advice is appreciated!
Thank you, Sparkles
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Post by Cinnamon on Aug 29, 2018 19:04:39 GMT
Hi Sparkles,
Welcome to the forum! These are excellent questions. I remember several years ago Sir Guy did address the topic of the workplace, but I have briefly checked the Index and I cannot find those articles - it may even have been in the comments section where he did this. I cannot remember what principles he laid out.
Generally speaking, however, here is how I would approach it - you need to "pull back," namely:
1. It's best at work to NOT try to be "liked" by female co-workers. 2. Going forward remain warm and polite, but somewhat distant. Don't announce this change in behavior, just do it. 3. DON'T go out of your way to do favours for them, 4. DON'T go out of your way to talk to them and show an interest in their lives. 5. Be helpful and cooperative with any work-related tasks, but not overly helpful. 6. Smile quietly at them if they approach you for something - be pleasant. But DON'T get involved with them beyond that. 7. Can you find something to occupy you during lunch or break so you are on your own and not with them - i.e. reading or studying/gym etc.
Easier said than done since you seem to be a warm and friendly type, but when you are dealing with catty and backbiting people it's the only way to survive with your peace of mind intact.
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Post by sparkles on Aug 30, 2018 19:00:45 GMT
Thank you Lady Cinnamon! :-))
I was thinking about working for another boss in the event that things do not work out. Some people I have spoken to (and one was a grandmother in her 90's) told me to NEVER work for a female boss. I haven't had a female boss, just female supervisors. And so, I wonder....If I change jobs, should I avoid a female boss? Has anyone had experience with this?
Another thing I was wondering was, how can I have short, beautiful coiffed hair as Sir Guy describes it? I have found vintage inspirations, but I am afraid that I will look too costume-y? Any ideas?
Thank you again!
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Post by Cinnamon on Aug 31, 2018 11:44:44 GMT
With regard to female bosses - I have had better luck with male bosses, although I have had a couple of really GREAT female bosses. Statistically speaking I think you will have better luck with a male boss, so I think the grandmother is wise. Some female bosses are awesome, but those are in the minority, at least in my experience.
With regard to your hair, you have to find a style that works with your features, bone structure, and hair type. Short hair doesn't work on everyone. Look at some examples in the public eye. Princess Diana, Condoleezza Rice, Victoria Beckham, and Laura Bush all look beautiful with short hair, but Melania Trump, Sarah Sanders, and Kellyanne Conway would (in my opinion) look terrible. For those who can pull off this look, I do think it is the most elegant and sophisticated look.
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kay
New Member
Posts: 1
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Post by kay on Sept 1, 2018 3:19:52 GMT
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Post by sparkles on Sept 1, 2018 15:53:57 GMT
Thank you both!
Lady Cinnamon, thank you. I guess I was trying too hard to be liked.
Lady kay, thank you.
I was re-reading that article, and a few lines stood out to me: "Your primary mission is to earn the respect of all co-workers... When the men see you as an ideal prospect for marrying someone, you have done everything right. When women see you that way, they envy you, and you have done everything right." So it seems to me that I'm doing everything right, as my female co-workers are jealous. What I can't figure out is *how* to keep them from pulling me down? Out of their jealousy, they try to sabotage my hard-won efforts at work. Also, I implemented Sir Guy's advice to try to be unique; but as I stated in the post above, one woman (my supervisor) doesn't like my uniqueness - she copied my hairstyle, my way of dressing, my makeup; she even went out to buy glasses just because I wear glasses!! What am I suppose to do? Change my look?
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Post by Cinnamon on Oct 1, 2018 15:15:28 GMT
Why would you even think of changing your look? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
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